We grew up at a time when organized youth sports programs were pretty much limited to Little League and Babe Ruth baseball. There were no youth soccer, football or basketball leagues. Adults were then smart enough to know that tackle football with full equipment below the 7th grade level was unwise. Also my father and my friends' fathers had jobs that required them to actually work eight hours or more each day.
The guys (and sometimes girls) in my neighborhood would play pick up softball in a vacant lot or basketball on an outdoor court in someone's back yard. We would have to select the teams by choosing up sides. Since our field or court was not regulation, we had to agree on certain ground rules and other rules of the game. There were no umpires or referees, so we had to call foul balls, determine "safe" or "out" and balls and strikes. All of this was done with few arguments and no fights. We were all friends and were playing just for the fun of it. We learned to make decisions, negotiate, have fun and hone skills all without coaches, refs and uniforms. Mom did not have to travel all over town delivering us to practices and games. She always had dinner (that she prepared) ready soon after my father got home from work. We had your typical family dinner with typical discussion about what happened that day and always some laughter. We never had to discuss that jerk of a coach or why Tommy should be playing first base instead of Bobby or whether we could afford a $50 glove versus a $200 one. I loved my childhood.
But adults always know what is best, right? Organization of our games by them became far more important than our mere pickup games. Kids became highly organized into teams and leagues and it all got really serious. Couldn't play without uniforms, umpires and of course parent-coaches. And winning became really important along with all-star teams. Somehow these games were not nearly as much fun as those we organized on Mr. Wilson's vacant lot. Now we are having serious practice three days a week and play games three days. We are getting yelled at and it seems Mom never fixes dinner anymore. My friend, James isn't very good but we always found a spot for him in our games. Now he sits on the bench and never plays. He also doesn't laugh as much as he once did.
My younger sister has started playing softball. Mom tells Dad that with all the practices and games all over town, she needs a new car - a minivan. I never really liked the green beans or cooked carrots that Mom would serve us at dinner, but McDonald hamburgers and pizza eaten in the car are getting pretty old. We get coached on the field and now when I get home after a game, my Dad feels he should go over every play and tell me what I did wrong. When playing on Mr. Wilson's lot he never knew when I messed up and no one really cared. We always just had a good laugh when somebody screwed up. No big deal.
At our game last Tuesday, our left fielder, Eric, threw the ball to the wrong base after a hit by the other team. It allowed them to score a run. Our coach, Tommy's father, and people in the bleachers started yelling at Eric. He started to cry. It all sort of frightened me too. Later Tommy's father started yelling at the umpire and then he and the other team's coach yelled at each other. That all made me very nervous. I have decided this is not very much fun. Adults tell my Dad that I am a future high school star, but I think I will give up baseball after this summer. I also think my Mom was much happier before my sister and I started playing on real teams. She seems to be tired all the time and she never takes us on picnics or to the zoo any more. She and my Dad argue about how much it costs for us to play and how tired she is of washing our uniforms three times a week. Mr. Wlison sold his lot to someone and they are building a house on it. Why do I have to grow up?
If you are a parent, ask yourself some questions: Have I ever called in sick or lied to my boss to miss work in order to see my kid's game? Is my mood based on the outcome of these games? MUCH WORSE: Am I guilty of withholding physical or emotional affection from my child if they don't perform well? Do I tease, put down or avoid speaking to them? Do I make comments (in front of my children) about how bad the coach is when the team loses?
A Pennsylvania policeman gave a young pitcher $2 to hit a fellow 10-year-old with a fastball during a game.
We are all aware of the hockey father in Reading, Mass. who beat another Dad to death when an argument between the two erupted.
A dentist in Albuquerque, MN, sharpened the facemask of his son's football helmet so he could slash opposing players. Five players and a referee were hurt.
There are horror stories about youth sports parents all over America every day. What are we teaching the kids?
It has always amazed me that an attorney, a real estate agent, or a plumber thinks he knows how to coach just because he played high school ball. Many parent-coaches fancy themselves as a Bear Bryant or an Adolph Rupp. They learn most of what they know by watching the TV game every week and listening to the commentators. They haven't figured out why their 12 -year-old quarterback can't do the same things as Steve McNair. They also enjoy the power and control they have over the kids and their parents.
The typical high school parent today could care less whether the team wins or loses as long as their child gets playing time. It doesn't matter if the kid does not have the skills, desire, experience or maturity to be thrown into a tight, intense contest. Professional high school coaches are now forced to cut the kid who is on the bubble. Even though he/she is young and shows potential for the future, it isn't worth keeping him on the team and having to deal with the parent and playing time issue after every game. Is that fair to the child? No, but blame it on the parent not the coach.
Good high school and middle school coaches are quitting in droves these days because of unreasonable and obnoxious parents. These are men and women some of whom have been successfully coaching for years. People who have had positive influence on kids. People who the kids love. People who have spent long ours away from their own families to work with and love other folk's kids. People who have labored for poor pay because they were dedicated and wanted to make a positive impact on the kids they coached. There are some bad high school coaches, people who should have never been on the field or the court. There are lots of wonderful, supportive parents as well. But if parents want to coach, then they should be properly trained, be fulltime educational professionals and willing to work for pennies.
Mr. Parent, unless you are willing to let me go run your insurance business, then you don't tell me how to coach. Let me go observe you at your work for a week and let me tell you what you do wrong and give you advice on things I know little about. Then you can tell me how to coach my team. If you are more concerned about your kid's playing time then you are about whether we win or lose and being fair to all the players, then I suggest you have your child try another sport. I make my living as a coach the same as you do selling insurance. My successes and failures are public knowledge, unlike yours. The wins and loses of my team are published every day. Are yours? It's like one college coach has said, "They ought to publish the won/loss record of doctors".
Parents should view coaches and teachers as the professionals they are. Mutual respect and the desire to do what is best for children should be the ever present, number one goal of parents and educators. Working together is paramount. Whether they win at Little League baseball or the state high school championship is totally secondary.
There are some great parents involved in youth sports. Those who give of themselves and an incredible amount of time for kids. They try to be fair and let the kids have fun. They know their limitations and yet they too are abused by other parents. Come on, Folks, at least for a while let the kids be kids. Don't organize them. Don't give them uniforms. Don't make them play three times a week. Don't center family life around Little League baseball or club soccer. And please, please don't let your child think your love for him is based on how he performs on a field. SEE ALSO: More Youth Sports
CollegeCharlie Sports
PARENTS
Kids losing again: Ego-driven parents, club coaches burning children
Exerts from USA Today Forum of Monday, August 23, 2004.
By high school teacher, Patrick Welsh.
For those of us, like Pat, who have spent our lives working with high school athletes know all-too-well the pressures put on some of these children by their own parents in order to feed the adult ego. We see it every day. And when parent and club coach or personal trainer get together, the kid has no chance of a life of his/her choosing. The child is to follow his parent’s or coach’s dream, not his/hers.
The day of the three- or even two-sport high school athlete is rapidly disappearing as coaches tell even 10-year-olds who show promise in a particular sport to practice that sport year-round.
A big part of this sport specialization has been caused by coaches’ specialization. In the mid 1980s, as coaches started doing just one sport, they lost the perspective of the high school program/philosophy and began to put pressure on their players to do their sport year-round. Coaches began to take on the ever so evil attitude of “me”- “my” program and “my” athletes. They convinced players and parents that if they wanted the opportunity of playing at the college level, they had to do their particular sport 12 months a year. Some of these high school athletes were given false hope, because they would never make it to the next level under any circumstances.
The worse evil of all – club coaches. AAU basketball coaches, many backed by the shoe company money, have run rough-shod over high school counselors and coaches as they try to barter deals with colleges. Most of these coaches have no formal training in child psychology, sports medicine or even good manners. They attempt to assemble all-star teams and their philosophies are totally contrary to what high school coaches teach kids. AAU basketball is a “me” game with little of the “team” concepts. They have perverted the game in order to sell themselves as avenues to college scholarships.
It’s no longer enough to play soccer for a neighborhood team or later for a high school squad. Now kids are made to feel like second-class underachievers unless they are chosen to play for a “traveling” or “select” team. Some students are even choosing not to participate on their high school teams because they say their club team is more competitive and offers a better chance of a college scholarship. Club coaches convince parents that they have greater influence with college coaches than does the high school coach. And parents are willing to shell out hundreds of dollars to buy the lie.
Sports that operate outside the structure and integrity of the educational system are damaging to kids. The problem has been given a name by psychiatrists to the condition of people – parents and coaches- who are obsessed over a child’s achievement: the Achievement by Proxy syndrome.
A survey by the National Safe Kids Campaign indicates that parents have lost perspective when four out of five parents interviewed saw injuries to their children as just “part of the game”.
Too many adults are robbing kids of the natural condition of kids being kids in order to satisfy adult egos.
Students that are in need of money for college know that there are many organizations offering great student loans that help students pay for college. Whether it's private student loans or other student loans, all students should take advatage of attaining a loan so they can get the education they need.
7.3 million: Athletes competing in high-school sports
$1.4-billion: Amount awarded annually in athletics scholarships by colleges and universities
399,000: Athletes in NCAA Divisions I, II, and III
123,000: Athletes in Divisions I and II who receive athletics scholarships
SOURCES: National Collegiate Athletic Association; National Federation of State High School Associations
Aggravating Assaults
Summary: A recent survey about the youth sports experience yields results both reassuring and troubling.
More than one-quarter of adults have witnessed a physical confrontation involving coaches, officials or parents at a youth sports practice or game. That's among the more startling findings of a recent survey by the National Alliance for Youth Sports, which asked moms, dads, volunteer coaches, officials and program administrators to answer 20 questions about the youth sports experience.
From reasons why parents want their kids to play sports (enjoyment was the top answer) to why they eventually quit (disliking their coach was the most common reply), the survey captures the personal observations of 2,130 respondents. The results are both reassuring and troubling, according to John Engh, chief operating officer of NAYS. Read Article
The current discussion about recruiting ever-younger prospects will lead to voluntary restrictions, and, if necessary, legislation limiting when coaches can offer scholarships. Reggie Minton, who heads the National Association of Basketball Coaches's Ethics Committee, said he expected the organization to seek a voluntary ban. "We'll probably ask our coaches to refrain from it," he said. "If that doesn't cut the mustard, we'll go to the next step: (NCAA) legislation."
The "it" the NABC will ask coaches to refrain from is "offering and accepting" scholarships and commitments, Minton said. The NABC has no power to enforce its wishes. The organization depends on the coaches to voluntarily cooperate with guidelines known as a "Platform of agreement," Minton said
